Lani and Anthony Allen share heartbreaking path to parenthood

By Andrew Smith

With beaming baby boy Hugo, Lani and Anthony Allen are the picture-perfect family who are busy handling the ups and downs that come with juggling racing careers and life with a newborn.

But for the husband-and-wife jockeys, nothing will ever compare to the devastation they faced after giving birth to a stillborn baby girl in December 2023.

The family are sharing their story as part of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month this October, with the hope of shining light on the important issue.

After suffering a miscarriage previously, the young couple was overjoyed to fall pregnant in early 2023.

Lani had stopped riding in February to prepare to give birth later that year, with her pregnancy progressing without any issues.

But approaching the full term of the pregnancy, she recalls that night in December two years ago that started out just like any other, before ending in tragedy.

“We had some family here one night and things were normal, and then I just noticed something wasn't right with her, she always moved,” Lani said.

“My friend’s little one was sitting on my belly and just playing around, and usually she would kick other babies that I held, and she didn't kick them.

“I went to bed and thought something's odd - she would boot whatever was there, if it was a pillow or the blankets, and she just wasn't moving anymore.

“At that point, I didn't know what had happened…we’re the last of our friends and family to have babies, and everyone goes to the hospital for reduced movements, but I wasn't exactly having reduced movements, I was having none.”

After debating internally and believing she was overreacting, the 33-year-old drove herself into hospital as a precaution.

It was there that she received the heartbreaking news that confirmed her worst fears - a scan could no longer pick up her baby’s heartbeat.

“The nurses were waiting for the obstetrician to come and check, so I still had a glimmer of hope and I still thought 'we're meeting our baby tonight,'” Lani said.

“By that stage, Anthony was already on his way, because it was flagged as something was going on, and my family was there as well, and my dad is a GP.

“The obstetrician came and did the ultrasound and they put the scan on my belly, and I just knew then that the heart wasn't flickering.

“My dad just looked at me and said to me ‘I'm sorry, darling, but she's gone,’ and that was the most numbing moment of it all.

“The whole room was crying from what had happened, and it took me a lot to recover from, I had the shakes really bad.

“I don't have the words to explain what it's like being in that room when you're meant to have a crying baby - you're meant to be walking the hospital floors with a newborn, that’s the dream I had in my head.”

Lani and Anthony made the decision to proceed with giving birth to their daughter, who they named Poppy, via a caesarean section.

She was born on the evening of December 28 after 36 weeks and five days in the womb.

The couple was comforted by family along with friends and fellow jockeys Jim Byrne, and Ben and Stephanie Thompson.

While dealing with the unbearable grief that comes from a stillborn, they were still able to create some treasured memories with their precious baby girl.

“When she came out through the c-section, I was worried and I didn't know what to expect, I thought she was going to be black and blue, but she was everything but that,” Lani said.

“She had rosy cheeks, bright red lips, blue eyes, black hair and still had recent blood going through her.

“We nursed her, we clothed her, we washed her face, we did everything that we could do in the five days that we had her in hospital.

“Our friends and family came up and we said ‘come on, meet her - you don't need to, but if you want to meet her, you want to hold her, these are the only days we have,’ and they were the most precious memories.

“I can still remember people singing to her, people holding her, talking about her, and I guess to those people, it's the biggest thank you I could ever give, making memories with her that we get to cherish forever.”

Lani also paid tribute to Toowoomba trainers Troy and Alyssa Sweeney for their support during her time spent recovering in hospital.

The jockey spent five days lying in a hospital bed, and developed a friendship with co-trainer Alyssa who had endured her own infant loss.

“Alyssa had lost her little boy Knox and it was actually five years on the day that I had lost Poppy, that he had lost his life as well,” Lani said.

“A big thank you to her for talking me through it, there was never any judgement, and it was just, 'I'm here for you, darling, and whatever happens like you've always got my number.'

“All of our family, friends and the industry have given us a safe place to grieve, and we still grieve to this day, and I think we always will.”

Anthony added that the support and visits they received from family and friends during that heartbreaking chapter had helped bring some sense of joy to the tragic situation.

“For me, it was pretty traumatising going to hospital and not expecting that,” Anthony said.

“The support was really good, my family was over here in a heartbeat, along with the Thompsons that were there straight away.

“I wasn't real big on having everyone around, but the more people came around, the better it was.

“It turned into a more of an enjoyable memory, instead of a tragic one – we were celebrating her and it kind of felt like we had five days of life with her.”

One of the themes of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month is that “it is ok to not be ok,” with conversation around the topic welcomed to raise awareness.

It is a time for families, communities, and healthcare professionals to come together to break the silence surrounding miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant death.

Poppy would have been approaching her second birthday at the end of this year, with Lani and Anthony admitting it is often a struggle when they see a family with a baby girl of a similar age.

But they are also keen to speak out, to let other families who have suffered similar grief know that they are not alone.

“Sometimes it's the trigger of a mother feeding her baby or a newborn little girl…I go into memory lane and I think of Poppy and my little girl, and the wishes that I had for me as a mum,” Lani said.

“Awareness month on this topic is huge, especially as a mother of a stillborn baby at full-term, and the community needs to know that there's people walking around you that are struggling.

“It could be any struggle, but we're humans, we all make babies, and some people aren't so fortunate, it's a part of the world.

“It's just nice to know that whether it's the coffee lady or the person that wants to ask you a question about your child, that they know that there could be some further answers coming from myself or another mother like me.

“I get asked a lot if Hugo’s my first baby, and it's the best question I think I could be asked, because I'm so open about talking about Poppy…I find that's the universe letting me talk about her, and then I share her story.”

Anthony added: “It has made me more grateful of little moments, and every smile and all that stuff like that.

“It is hard to not see another baby that I know where we should have ours, but that's where I sort of struggle.

“It definitely made us feel like we're not alone - everyone's got their own journey and obviously different stories, but you can relate to each other a little bit and that was a big part of it for us.”

After recovering from the agony of losing Poppy, the couple’s young son Hugo thankfully arrived as a happy, healthy baby on December 12, 2024.

Anthony returned to race riding two days after Hugo’s birth, booting home a winner on the Gold Coast.

The 33-year-old has nine victories in the saddle so far this season, and is fast approaching the 700-win milestone.

The hoop said his perspective on racing had definitely changed since Hugo had come into the world.

“Obviously with all the tragedy, it has made me more grateful for him and having him around is a bit of a shining light I didn't know I needed,” Anthony said.

“It really makes me want to go to work and come back quicker.

“You have a lot less freedom, but very happy to spend more time with him and I’m really excited to watch him grow, and me as a person adapt to it, it's been really enjoyable.

“I couldn’t dream of better woman than Lani to be his mother as well…I wasn't sure what to expect, but it's a good journey so far, so I'm happy.”

Lani added: “I think it was always in Anthony's personality to be a good father. He's taken to it like a duck to water.

“We speak of Poppy and she was our first baby, and the way he was in hospital with her was just beautiful.

“I think I've always known, but from that moment, watching him with her and looking after me, he was always going to be incredible with our next child, and Hugo's very lucky to have him.”

Lani herself has 295 career wins to her name, with her last ride coming on Anzac Day in 2024 before stepping down in accordance with Queensland racing rules for pregnant women.

The hoop has spoken previously of her dreams of winning a race with Hugo trackside one day, taking inspiration from Nikita Beriman and best friend Stephanie Thompson who both jumped back in the saddle post childbirth.

But she admits the last two years may have led to her to rethink her future plans.

“I've always thought I would go back racing when after having babies, why not? That's the biggest question is, why wouldn't you return to your career?” Lani said.

“After the loss of Poppy, things have been put in perspective for me, and it's only something that a mother of loss could understand I think.

“For me, every moment with Hugo is a moment I want to be a part of, and I don’t want to be away from him.

“I do still have that picture in my mind of going back to racing like some of the other girls that have just previously returned, and they've had their child trackside riding winners.

“So the retired word isn't out there yet, but even if that's a goal I could achieve for the short term, something I do for a couple of months, then that's something that I might look forward to.

“But while I'm feeding, I'm just going to stay home and work that one out as we get further down the road.”

Time will also tell as to whether or not Hugo follows his parents into the choice of career for the family.

“Have you seen him? He's a bit chubby,” Lani said with a laugh.

“Whatever his dreams are, if he wants to be a jockey and set himself up for life, then he can be a jockey - we'll just watch this space.

Anthony added: “I think the way he is, I reckon he'll be bigger than us, so I'm not going to be pushing him into anything.

“But if he wants to decide to do it, then I think we'll just show him the ropes.”

Click here to learn more about Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.